and it's been hard to cope, let alone post. tess has good days and bad days, but after she screamed for about 48 hours, andrew and i were desperate. she has horrible acid reflux, and it seems we have not yet found the right medicine. i know people have been worried about me and wondering if i have post-partum depression, but that's not it. it's just intolerable to listen to your sweet innocent baby screaming in pain and literally inconsolable. it just breaks your heart (and your spirit, and your eardrums), and after calling the emergency line, and talking to the doctors, and getting very little help, we called jennifer, who's a children's er nurse and begged for some help. it was nice to talk to someone who knew we weren't just complaining about a "fussy" baby or idiots because we're first time parents. she knows us and has met tess and seen us with her, and she listened and heard us when we told her all that'd been going on.
last night around 1am, per jennifer's suggestion, we did go ahead and give tess some tylenol to see if it helped the pain, and the poor little baby slept for 6 hours straight. if you know anything about 5-week old breastfed babies, you can understand how exhausted the sweet girl must have been from hurting and crying. i was so incredibly thankful for her to get some relief, and that relief lasted well into the morning. we did still take tess into the doctor's office this morning, and saw dr. mann (one of the "founding fathers" of the practice we're going to), and he took my concerns seriously and listened attentively to all that we said along with looking thoroughly at tess and her history. he decided that he does think the issue still is the reflux, and that the prilosec just isn't really working, so he recommended prevacid. he also ok'd us using the tylenol once a day if necessary to control her pain. hallelujah! we went to pick up the prevacid on the way home, and our copay was $45!!! i questioned it, and the pharmacist reported that insurance already paid $125 for it - holy COW that's expensive stuff, so i sure hope it works! so far it seems hit or miss, but dr. mann said he thought we'd see results within 48 hrs, hopefully sooner.
some fun tess stats: she is still considered a little piggy and eating like a champ. she gained another 8 oz in 4 days and is now 8lbs 8.5oz - who ever thought she'd gain SO much in such little time! dr. mann looked over her history and said she has gained 27 oz in 20 days (apparently 0.05 oz per day is good, and tess is at more than double that)! also, we bought a baby bjorn last night because the moby takes me too long to put on when she's crying so desperately, and she refluxes most of the time if she's laid down for even a few minutes, so we needed a carrier that would go on super-fast for while i'm at home alone, and i LOVE it! i have a few pics to upload and show you all whenever tess isn't sleeping on my stomach and i can go get the camera.
and thank you SO much for those of you who keep lifting us up in prayer, i definitely feel wrapped in love whenever i look to you for support. i know i've been hard to be in touch with, but your words and prayers are invaluable to me, perhaps more than i can ever fully express to you.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
1 month vital stats
today we had tess's 1 month check-up and got to find out her stats. she is now 8 lbs and .05 oz, 20.5 inches long, and her head measures at 35 cm. she is in the 15th, 25th, and 15th percentiles respectively, but considering where she started, everyone still seems amazed at how much weight she's gained, especially since she's exclusively breastfed.
after getting very upset when the doctor told us she was "just fussy" and that it would get worse before it gets better (because apparently the fussiness peaks at 6 weeks), the lactation consultant came in and was once again in awe of her weight gain and piggy-ness. "i know i'm not supposed to judge, but she's a PIG!" she actually gave us some (read TONS) of stuff to try. beginning today, we will limit dairy (though not get rid of it entirely), begin using gripe water, stop using the nystatin, increase the prilosec dose (double it!), start a baby probiotic, continue my probiotic, spread out my daily vitamin from once a day to once every three days, and reduce my milk production - using altoids and vitamin b6. going through them, the reasons are as follows: dairy can be hard to digest, gripe water is a possible remedy for upset tummies with a main ingredient of sodium bicarbonate and other things like fennel and ginger, nystatin can cause gas (and also she doesn't have thrush for sure now), her weight and the upper end of the dose is why we're increasing the prilosec, probiotics for digestion, daily vitamin restrictions in case i'm "dumping" extra vitamins into my breastmilk, and reduce milk production because tess is drowning in it each time she eats - how cool is it that i'm doing that through altoids? apparently peppermint slows production, and the magic number of altoids is 6, paired with 100-300mg of vitamin b6 can slow milk production. i was worried it'd slow too much, but i trust dee (the lactation consultant) and she said she is not worried about that happening with this course of action.
hopefully soon i'll have some positive updates, and we can celebrate whatever it was that works for tess!
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
i'm lonely
i keep wanting to blog and update everyone on little tess, but it's been hard. she's been sick a lot, first with the jaundice, now with acid reflux, and it just doesn't end. each time she seems like she's getting better, we have another not very good day. i keep wanting to have friends over to visit, or to take her places and show the world how beautiful she is, and then i try, and she loses it, and instead of being fun or even an adventure, it's miserable. i keep wanting to say how wonderful it all is, but the truth is that i feel lonely. i can't make my baby feel better when she's owwie, i can't call my friends because she cries every time i pick up the phone, i can't snuggle with my husband because she cries every time you try to put her down, and i want to feel like a good mommy, but i don't.
apparently this is normal, apparently it's something almost all new mommies go through, and apparently lots of them just pretend they aren't going through it, and that they're happy all the time, and that everything is wonderful, but it doesn't change the fact that i'm lonely tonight, and instead of talking to my husband, he's holding the baby, who is sleeping (which is good cause today she's either been crying or sleeping the whole time, and sleeping is better than crying), and he's so sleep deprived that he's sleeping too... and so i'm lonely.
apparently this is normal, apparently it's something almost all new mommies go through, and apparently lots of them just pretend they aren't going through it, and that they're happy all the time, and that everything is wonderful, but it doesn't change the fact that i'm lonely tonight, and instead of talking to my husband, he's holding the baby, who is sleeping (which is good cause today she's either been crying or sleeping the whole time, and sleeping is better than crying), and he's so sleep deprived that he's sleeping too... and so i'm lonely.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Monday, April 5, 2010
must haves for mommies
there are hundreds of lists of things to have for new baby, but nowhere in my many books or checklists did i find things that new mommy needs to survive the first few weeks at home. because of that, there were lots of things i didn't have that, luckily, my mom went out and bought for me so i could deal with healing. therefore, i feel it is my duty to inform you of things that are "must haves" for the new mommy - especially the breastfeeding mom.
1. forget the boppy, the best breastfeeding pillow is the "my brest friend" deluxe positioner. it fastens around your waist with a clip so that it doesn't keep sliding off your lap (the way the boppy does), it is made of foam with two lumps in it for correct positioning of baby, as well as wrist support, which is a must-have when you are trying to support baby's head and when you have your post-pregnancy tendonitis flaring up (as i do). the cover is soft, removable, and washable. it even has a pocket for your breastfeeding accessories.
2. next, to put IN your accessory pouch, the lansinoh brand lanolin for your nipples. "they" don't warn you, but HOLY COW does breastfeeding hurt when you start. i was using mostly the medela brand lanolin, but we bough the lansinoh because it was all walmart had for the diaper bag, and i found it to be much thicker and better for soreness. you MUST have some form of lanolin if you want to be able to breastfeed without crying. just one warning: the lanolin has stained my clothes. there is no warning on the bottle, so i must assume there is some way to get it out, but i wouldn't wear anything you like without covering your nipples somehow.
3. also for nipple care, i recommend getting a set of breast shields. the medela soft shells are the ones that i got. they fit over the nipple and under the bra to keep your nipples from touching your bra or shirt. they have holes for ventilation and foam for milk-leak absorption, and they were a lifesaver during the first week or so when the feeling of my bra or shirt on my nipples was agony.
4. additionally, i would recommend cabbage for engorgement issues. yes, plain old green-leaf cabbage. you put it in your bra, and the coolness feels wonderful on swollen breasts. just be sure to get the green leaf (red will apparently turn your milk pink), and make sure to wash the leaves before putting them in your bra. i did not do this on one occasion, and i had sand on the side of my boob - not what i was going for. i keep the cabbage in the fridge, and it did more good than fancy gel-pads or ice packs.
5. you will also need several different nursing bras. i have 3 that i'm currently rotating through. one of them is very elastic-y, and it's great for going out in because it offers good support and looks nice under shirts. it's an elle macpherson brand bra with the click-y breast cover part that unsnaps to allow nursing. the second is much softer, and is great for sleeping in, and it has the same click mechanism. the third is more of a sports bra style with a crossed front to allow for access for nursing. this one is the least supportive, but when my chest needs a break, it is nice to be able to wear something that's not too restrictive.
6. along with comforts for your top half, there are issues to be addressed for your "undercarriage" as well. "they" don't make much out of the pain that happens "down there" but there are several things to think about. even if you don't have an episiotomy, you will most likely end up with stitches, which need some attention, and i recommend taking ANYTHING they leave in the hospital bathroom home with you (they will have granny panties, ice packs, pads, numbing spray, a squeeze bottle, wipes without alcohol, etc. and anything disposable is up for grabs for you to take home).
7. in addition to stitches, as your uterus goes back to its normal size, you will continue to bleed like a heavy day on your period for a while (they say up to a month i think), and they will have some pads in the bathroom pack as well, however, i would recommend buying a pack of soft-topped pads, NOT the kind with plastic and an anti-leak core, but the kotex kind your mom used to use. the plastic is uncomfortable and can make you sweat.
8. also, i recommend buying a refill of the numbing spray. in addition to the stitches and bleeding, you may end up with hemorrhoids either from pregnancy or labor, or even from post labor pooping, and the numbing spray can be used for all three.
9. lastly, because of the poop issue, i would recommend having a stool softener (not a laxative, but just a softener) on hand as soon as you get home. they will probably give you a regular dose in the hospital, but having it at home is a must, as there can be pain with pooping until everything's back in order "down there".
10. most importantly, have a support system. i have a wonderful one in andrew, my family and friends, and God, but you MUST have people you can call on when you're losing it, or haven't slept, or wonder what the heck you're doing with a baby of your own. i'm so blessed, and i hope if you don't have any of 1-9, you can find a 10 before you come home from the hospital with your bundle of joy.
this list is probably incomplete and partially incoherent, but i'm a new mommy, and new babies eat every 2 hours or more... and my little baby has gone from 5lbs 15oz to 6 lbs 10.5oz in two weeks (usually they're just making birthweight by now)... oh and tomorrow's her due date. what can i say, we're good eaters, and she's an overachiever :-)
1. forget the boppy, the best breastfeeding pillow is the "my brest friend" deluxe positioner. it fastens around your waist with a clip so that it doesn't keep sliding off your lap (the way the boppy does), it is made of foam with two lumps in it for correct positioning of baby, as well as wrist support, which is a must-have when you are trying to support baby's head and when you have your post-pregnancy tendonitis flaring up (as i do). the cover is soft, removable, and washable. it even has a pocket for your breastfeeding accessories.
2. next, to put IN your accessory pouch, the lansinoh brand lanolin for your nipples. "they" don't warn you, but HOLY COW does breastfeeding hurt when you start. i was using mostly the medela brand lanolin, but we bough the lansinoh because it was all walmart had for the diaper bag, and i found it to be much thicker and better for soreness. you MUST have some form of lanolin if you want to be able to breastfeed without crying. just one warning: the lanolin has stained my clothes. there is no warning on the bottle, so i must assume there is some way to get it out, but i wouldn't wear anything you like without covering your nipples somehow.
3. also for nipple care, i recommend getting a set of breast shields. the medela soft shells are the ones that i got. they fit over the nipple and under the bra to keep your nipples from touching your bra or shirt. they have holes for ventilation and foam for milk-leak absorption, and they were a lifesaver during the first week or so when the feeling of my bra or shirt on my nipples was agony.
4. additionally, i would recommend cabbage for engorgement issues. yes, plain old green-leaf cabbage. you put it in your bra, and the coolness feels wonderful on swollen breasts. just be sure to get the green leaf (red will apparently turn your milk pink), and make sure to wash the leaves before putting them in your bra. i did not do this on one occasion, and i had sand on the side of my boob - not what i was going for. i keep the cabbage in the fridge, and it did more good than fancy gel-pads or ice packs.
5. you will also need several different nursing bras. i have 3 that i'm currently rotating through. one of them is very elastic-y, and it's great for going out in because it offers good support and looks nice under shirts. it's an elle macpherson brand bra with the click-y breast cover part that unsnaps to allow nursing. the second is much softer, and is great for sleeping in, and it has the same click mechanism. the third is more of a sports bra style with a crossed front to allow for access for nursing. this one is the least supportive, but when my chest needs a break, it is nice to be able to wear something that's not too restrictive.
6. along with comforts for your top half, there are issues to be addressed for your "undercarriage" as well. "they" don't make much out of the pain that happens "down there" but there are several things to think about. even if you don't have an episiotomy, you will most likely end up with stitches, which need some attention, and i recommend taking ANYTHING they leave in the hospital bathroom home with you (they will have granny panties, ice packs, pads, numbing spray, a squeeze bottle, wipes without alcohol, etc. and anything disposable is up for grabs for you to take home).
7. in addition to stitches, as your uterus goes back to its normal size, you will continue to bleed like a heavy day on your period for a while (they say up to a month i think), and they will have some pads in the bathroom pack as well, however, i would recommend buying a pack of soft-topped pads, NOT the kind with plastic and an anti-leak core, but the kotex kind your mom used to use. the plastic is uncomfortable and can make you sweat.
8. also, i recommend buying a refill of the numbing spray. in addition to the stitches and bleeding, you may end up with hemorrhoids either from pregnancy or labor, or even from post labor pooping, and the numbing spray can be used for all three.
9. lastly, because of the poop issue, i would recommend having a stool softener (not a laxative, but just a softener) on hand as soon as you get home. they will probably give you a regular dose in the hospital, but having it at home is a must, as there can be pain with pooping until everything's back in order "down there".
10. most importantly, have a support system. i have a wonderful one in andrew, my family and friends, and God, but you MUST have people you can call on when you're losing it, or haven't slept, or wonder what the heck you're doing with a baby of your own. i'm so blessed, and i hope if you don't have any of 1-9, you can find a 10 before you come home from the hospital with your bundle of joy.
this list is probably incomplete and partially incoherent, but i'm a new mommy, and new babies eat every 2 hours or more... and my little baby has gone from 5lbs 15oz to 6 lbs 10.5oz in two weeks (usually they're just making birthweight by now)... oh and tomorrow's her due date. what can i say, we're good eaters, and she's an overachiever :-)
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