life's been tough on me these past few weeks/months... i guess it is on all pregnant women, but with that, combined with work, i've just been overwhelmed recently. and then the fact that i've been overwhelmed makes me frustrated because i'm used to being able to take everything in stride, but i feel like everything's bogging me down. then being bogged down makes my work frustrations worse, and it's this horrible spiral that is just getting me defeated. so it must have culminated with last night to create some kind of awful nervous breakdown or something, and andrew mandated a mental health day for me today. i am very blessed to have him as my husband.
i was given strict directions to do nothing productive and worry about nothing, and even the dogs cooperated by staying quiet well into the morning (quite unlike them), but the sun remains against me. see, you can plan your sunny days by my work schedule -- if i am working, it will be beautiful and unseasonably sunny and perfect outside weather; however, the second i have a few hours off, it will be rainy, dreary, and overcast. apparently this works whether i am scheduled to have the day off, or if it's a decision made for me at 11:48pm the night before... blah.
i'm trying not to be negative and look on the positive, but as you can see, i'm not doing so hot. perhaps the optimist in me is hidden behind my swollen eyes or the clouds which cover the sky today... i'm sure it will be better after lunch.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Saturday, October 17, 2009
mind dump
i feel like blogging, for me, goes in seasons. i'm in to it, i'm obsessed with it, i blog every once in a while, and round and round we go, but recently i haven't felt like it at all. this is sort of sad because i'm pregnant now, and i see all these blogs where women chronicle their feelings and bellies and nursery development, etc, but i don't feel like it. maybe it's because i don't "feel" a lot happening yet... i have gained weight, and i am uncomfortable a lot, but i not necessarily look pregnant, and i can't eat fun foods or do fun (read dangerous) activities that i like to do because i'm protecting this little being, but i can't feel it move or even know whether to call it a more specific pronoun!
i also think a lot of my time to be excited and anticipating this little life is dampened by the long, strenuous hours that i have to work. i am gone from this house at the bare minimum of 12 hours at a time (minus the occasional half-day), since i leave at 6:15 and get home at the very earliest at 6:15 (which is rare). i know some of this is my driving time, but the rest is spent in a crazy-hectic and very demanding job. i wish we had enough money that i could work fewer hours or stop altogether, but when i am home i'm either so tired or overwhelmed from the day that all i want to do is sleep. when i do have a day off, i feel pressure to be productive and clean or organize or work on things, which generally leads me to be sad that i have a day off and i feel guilty if i do something fun!
we did take a vacation last weekend to boone for app's homecoming, and we had a pretty good time for the most part, but it rained and was frigid the entire time, which sort of detracted from the relaxing getaway i had in mind. i am thankful for the trip, but at the same time, i still feel guilty for spending the money it took to get tickets to the game, get a hotel room, buy food, buy supplies (the app ponchos were a definite necessity), etc. i don't want to feel guilty for having a fun weekend! maybe this is why being an adult is so lame... or maybe someone rich should die and leave us all their money -- ok that was a terrible thought, but don't tell me you've never had it.
i keep feeling like this is the end of my happy little "newlywed" world, doing as we wish, just being us and the dogs, and like instead of gaining this new addition that's going to make our family wonderful and new - that i really wanted! - it's going to change it completely. i want to be excited about the change, but all change is scary.
and since i never did blog about our weekend excursion, here are some pictures of homecoming 2009:
decked out in app gear!
faithful fans, sitting in the rain 'till the very end of the game.
andrew tried to capture the scoreboard. app demolishes central 54-21 at "the rock."
i also think a lot of my time to be excited and anticipating this little life is dampened by the long, strenuous hours that i have to work. i am gone from this house at the bare minimum of 12 hours at a time (minus the occasional half-day), since i leave at 6:15 and get home at the very earliest at 6:15 (which is rare). i know some of this is my driving time, but the rest is spent in a crazy-hectic and very demanding job. i wish we had enough money that i could work fewer hours or stop altogether, but when i am home i'm either so tired or overwhelmed from the day that all i want to do is sleep. when i do have a day off, i feel pressure to be productive and clean or organize or work on things, which generally leads me to be sad that i have a day off and i feel guilty if i do something fun!
we did take a vacation last weekend to boone for app's homecoming, and we had a pretty good time for the most part, but it rained and was frigid the entire time, which sort of detracted from the relaxing getaway i had in mind. i am thankful for the trip, but at the same time, i still feel guilty for spending the money it took to get tickets to the game, get a hotel room, buy food, buy supplies (the app ponchos were a definite necessity), etc. i don't want to feel guilty for having a fun weekend! maybe this is why being an adult is so lame... or maybe someone rich should die and leave us all their money -- ok that was a terrible thought, but don't tell me you've never had it.
i keep feeling like this is the end of my happy little "newlywed" world, doing as we wish, just being us and the dogs, and like instead of gaining this new addition that's going to make our family wonderful and new - that i really wanted! - it's going to change it completely. i want to be excited about the change, but all change is scary.
and since i never did blog about our weekend excursion, here are some pictures of homecoming 2009:
decked out in app gear!
faithful fans, sitting in the rain 'till the very end of the game.
andrew tried to capture the scoreboard. app demolishes central 54-21 at "the rock."
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
it's beginning to look a lot like... fall!
the seasons are changing and the weather's turning cold, but that has been perfect for the korhonen household. we have been enjoying cookouts with friends, bonfires in the front yard, and cool evenings in our country home. we even went to the SPCA's fur ball on sunday (sponsored by work) and were able to get all dressed up! finding something to wear with my new "figure" was a bit of a struggle, but it ended up ok. here are some pics from our recent events:
a pie i made randomly
our bonfire
the boys admiring their handiwork
eliza!
trying not to get scorched while roasting marshmallows
getting ready for the fur ball at the riegos' new house
at the table
steph and sammy
not sure what happened with the camera, but this is the "group shot" for the night!
and this is what i think of the arm-fat i have suddenly developed.
a pie i made randomly
our bonfire
the boys admiring their handiwork
eliza!
trying not to get scorched while roasting marshmallows
getting ready for the fur ball at the riegos' new house
at the table
steph and sammy
not sure what happened with the camera, but this is the "group shot" for the night!
and this is what i think of the arm-fat i have suddenly developed.
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