attitude is everything

today was a regular day, went to work - there's actually a lot of work to be done these days, came home, prepared dinner, went out bouldering with andrew, michelle, and her friend (whose name i've forgotten), had some interesting discussion in the car with my hubby, made dinner, ate dinner... and four chocolate chip cookies.

i realized today while not so much climbing, that i need to change my outlook on climbing. see, i'm a perfectionist, and this personality flaw (or benefit, depending on how you want to look at it) has been supported by the fact that quite frequently, i'm naturally talented when i try things, especially if it involves physical movement and skill. when i started climbing, this was still the case, i was naturally better than lots of people who've never climbed before. but now that i've been doing it for a little while on and off, i want to be good - really good. but i'm always the worst climber of the group, mostly due to inexperience. this is really hard for me, and rather than taking on the challenge and working through stuff, i get frustrated, feeling like i'm always the "bad" one, the one who holds people up, gets in the way, and the one everyone is looking at and pitying. i know, cognitively, that the people we climb with are extremely supportive, nonjudgemental, and really encouraging. my problem is that my expectations of myself are too high to be realistic, and instead of taking pride in my small accomplishments, i am constantly putting myself down for not advancing quicker.

this has been coupled with the fact that i'm a scaredy cat, and the fact that my "training" has been less than consistent. just when i'm starting to feel strong, we get busy and do something silly like um i don't know, get married, and end up taking two and a half weeks off. since the wedding, i've been a lazy slug and i've been making up for all the "dieting" i did before, and i feel like i'm extremely out of shape and flabby, so that doesn't help my attempts at hauling my ass up a rock.

however, michelle made a comment, "don't get frustrated, it's just a stupid rock" which struck me as very true statement, and something i should keep in mind. it is just a stupid rock, and it's not worth stressing over. additionally, andrew said something to the effect of "you're not a quitter, you're a go-getter" and i realized i need to apply that attitude to this too. i need to think positively and be proud of my progress rather than putting myself down outwardly and in my head.

anyway, that's about it! i'm going to try and change my attitude and keep on keepin' on with the goal to get in better shape.