the sound of silence

last night the power went out. it was strange for our house to go from the quiet hummmmm of home-y-ness to a dark and scary place. i feel like this is symbolic of my life. there are things i'm used to, the hum of the refrigerator, the gentle whirr of the heat through the vents, the modern comforts that turn a house into a home. these comforts exist on a personal, emotional, and spiritual level as well. they hide the silence, protect from the wind, and keep the fear of the darkness at bay; and when they are all stripped away, sometimes as suddenly as the loss of power at night time, it leaves me clinging to the covers, trembling in fear.

i don't often "blog" about deep things. i tend to keep it on the surface: what we did today, the cute picture of the dogs, the good people i got to see... but sometimes the surface isn't enough. so this is me, bare and raw for you all to see.

in my spiritual journey as of late, i've been fighting what can only be described as the devil's attempt to steal my joy. i've been worried and have let that my worry become bigger than my faith. it's a funny thing, worry. it's not like, say, fire - which can literally light a match, engulf and consume a structure, destroy all life. but, like fire, worry has the power to light a spark of doubt, it can engulf and consume one's thoughts, and it has the power to destroy a life.

the day after thanksgiving was probably one of my lowest points so far. despite having my wonderful husband and family around, despite good food and sweet girls (dogs), and despite buying christmas decorations at the dollar store, i could not shake the feeling. i thought of letting it consume me, of not fighting back, of turning from all the good i know and giving in. and then i picked up my bible... or really, my biblestudy book that i was way behind on. i began really getting in to the Word - one of our best weapons in the faith battle. this delving and rekindling of the flame of hope began to light the darkness. this encouraged me to go to church, where the flicker became a stronger fire. "let your light shine before men so that they may see your good deeds and praise your father in heaven" matthew 5:16 [it's interesting, fire, so destructive, yet so productive at the same time... doesn't work too well for my metaphor, but oh well.] and in that moment the holy spirit, the counselor and comforter, who intercedes with groans when words are not enough, sang with my voice and spoke through my pain. i thought finally, we're on the upswing.

that's when the power went out for real. i didn't get much sleep last night for reasons not to be discussed here, and i awoke feeling like a truck had run me over. nevertheless, i was determined to be joyous throughout the day and focus on the greatness of God. after school i got home, and there was yet more worry waiting to beat at my burdened and weary soul. But i am not yet defeated! at each lousy turn, i'm met with christian friends, blogs, emails, and random other interactions that remind me of God's predominance over all.

"i have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. in this world you will have trouble. but take heart! I HAVE OVERCOME THE WORLD." john 16:33