drama, dumb luck, and lamentations

oh my goodness. there has been some drama.

drama at work, drama not at work, drama at home - DRAMA!

i am not a fan of drama. i generally flee from it. and by flee from it, i mean i think it is a huge pain in the butt, and when it comes along, it bothers me greatly. if it bothers me enough, i usually just cut out the people or things that have brought it. however, when the aforementioned things or people are not... removeable... (shush, i can make up words if i want to), then what do you do? i guess, suck it up and try to move on.

so that is what i'm doing, but can i just say, i am dern tired of drama, and i am even more tired of "hard luck".

i feel like in the past two years, i have had my fill of hard luck, bad luck, and no luck. it has not rained, not poured, but MONSOONED a tidal wave of negativity down on my heart, and i am done with it.

to top it all off, andrew knocked the side mirror off the scion, and then i realized that it's overdue for its registration renewal and inspection, which it now won't pass because, duh, it's missing a side mirror! which means that the money we were given to enjoy our 4-year wedding anniversary will likely be spent on fixing the mirror so that we can spend more money to get the registration updated. just like my christmas present of riding lesson money was spent on refilling our propane tank to heat the house last winter, and my birthday money was spent on tess's daycare tuition in july, and how my vacation time from work was paid out to take care of the credit card bill last month.

and that's not even the half of it.

i want so badly to just get my head above water. i want to stop wishing and wanting and hoping i can attain this elusive sense of financial security - something i had always had, simply from being a responsible and hardworking person - something that feels like grasping after mist now. i don't want a fancy new car or shoes or clothes. i just want to buy groceries that taste good, rather than the ones that are the cheapest. i want to take a day off of work to do something fun and not spend the whole time feeling guilty that i should be making money. i want to take a drive and not feel guilty that it's costing me $15 to go into town, i want to go to a nice restaurant and order what i want, not what's less than $10. and i want a damn vacation! BUT i would be satisfied if i could just feel assured that at the end of the month, our income would exceed our necessary expenditures.

thumper rule, be damned. THAT is how i feel.