supermom strength

ok, so you know how they say moms have super-human strength when their babies are in danger? well, it is definitely true.

this morning, i packed tess up in the car and headed out to get the new scotty cd (which is AMAZING), and the whole way back she was fussing and whining and just like... moaning, and i knew it was because naptime was coming up, and she's fighting off a cold (and losing), so i was trying to be understanding, but it was realllllly draining to hear that for 15 mins straight.

so we got home and pulled into the driveway, and one of the songs was coming to a close, so i decided to leave the music playing while i got her out of her carseat. i had been distracted because of the droning on and was thinking about the great weather, the great cd, and how we were finally home so tess could take a great nap. i opened the door and got out, and started walking around the back of the car to get to the passenger's side to let tess out -- and then realized that the van was moving.
and it was rolling straight towards the house. shit! talk about panic! not only is the car NOT supposed to be moving, but it's definitely not supposed to be traveling into the side of the house -- with my daughter in it!

so many things were running through my head. how did this happen? did i forget to put it in park? i always put the emergency break on, did i forget? oh no, it's about to hit the driveway light! wait, it's about to hit the house! wait, tess is going to die!!! and why hadn't i already opened the passenger door with the electronic button like i usually do? i could just grab her out if i had... and on and on and on. but these thoughts all ran through my head in the course of less than a second because before i knew it, i was running to the front of the van and pushing on it trying to get it to stop.

oh dear, i said to myself, this thing is heavier than i thought! ...which didn't make any sense, because of course it's heavy, IT'S A MINIVAN -- made of steel, with my child inside! shit!
so i pushed harder. and in another second, the rolling stopped. great! now what?! the thoughts started streaming through my brain again, if i let go, it'll keep rolling. if the car is off, will the break still work? how fast do i have to run and grab the door and jump in before it runs over the driveway light and starts barreling into the house?! i know, i'll push it uphill away from the house and THEN run! so i did.

i pushed the van, with a curb weight of 4,255 lbs, from the standstill that i was holding it at, backwards a foot or two and then sprinted around the side, grabbed the door, flung it open, and smashed my foot into the brake pedal, stopping the car. and then i hear tess laughing.

apparently, mommy freaking out and running around the van, pushing on it, and sprinting and jumping into it like a madwoman on fire is hilarious. glad i could make ya smile, kid! and also, you can call me supermom.

good advice from my boss

be the kind of mom you want tess to be...
take care of yourself.
get enough sleep!
exercise a little bit every day to get the oxygen and endorphins to the brain.
eat right.
drink plenty of water.
read before bed.
meditate every day.
be sure to pamper yourself without feeling guilty.

you're better when you feel better.

so what did i do? work my tail off at work, go to the grocery store, make dinner for the fam, watch tv and stay up too late! ugh... i need to be better to myself.

so, even though it's o'late-thirty, i'm going to go draw myself a bubble bath. at least then i'll be clean, and hopefully won't break out in an allergic reaction from the bubble bath, and hopefully the scent of the suds will override the yucky smell of our iron-saturated well water.

night!

starting afresh...

i thought this background pic felt like starting afresh.
what do you think?
does it drive you nuts that it's out of focus?

drama, dumb luck, and lamentations

oh my goodness. there has been some drama.

drama at work, drama not at work, drama at home - DRAMA!

i am not a fan of drama. i generally flee from it. and by flee from it, i mean i think it is a huge pain in the butt, and when it comes along, it bothers me greatly. if it bothers me enough, i usually just cut out the people or things that have brought it. however, when the aforementioned things or people are not... removeable... (shush, i can make up words if i want to), then what do you do? i guess, suck it up and try to move on.

so that is what i'm doing, but can i just say, i am dern tired of drama, and i am even more tired of "hard luck".

i feel like in the past two years, i have had my fill of hard luck, bad luck, and no luck. it has not rained, not poured, but MONSOONED a tidal wave of negativity down on my heart, and i am done with it.

to top it all off, andrew knocked the side mirror off the scion, and then i realized that it's overdue for its registration renewal and inspection, which it now won't pass because, duh, it's missing a side mirror! which means that the money we were given to enjoy our 4-year wedding anniversary will likely be spent on fixing the mirror so that we can spend more money to get the registration updated. just like my christmas present of riding lesson money was spent on refilling our propane tank to heat the house last winter, and my birthday money was spent on tess's daycare tuition in july, and how my vacation time from work was paid out to take care of the credit card bill last month.

and that's not even the half of it.

i want so badly to just get my head above water. i want to stop wishing and wanting and hoping i can attain this elusive sense of financial security - something i had always had, simply from being a responsible and hardworking person - something that feels like grasping after mist now. i don't want a fancy new car or shoes or clothes. i just want to buy groceries that taste good, rather than the ones that are the cheapest. i want to take a day off of work to do something fun and not spend the whole time feeling guilty that i should be making money. i want to take a drive and not feel guilty that it's costing me $15 to go into town, i want to go to a nice restaurant and order what i want, not what's less than $10. and i want a damn vacation! BUT i would be satisfied if i could just feel assured that at the end of the month, our income would exceed our necessary expenditures.

thumper rule, be damned. THAT is how i feel.

livin' in the country

today was pretty cool. tess and i went on an adventure around our little town to find fresh food! we went to the local produce stand (L&G farms) as the first stop to get some fresh fruits (a carton of 6 peaches for $2.50!), veggis, and eggs! they also have a nursery, so i inquired about fig trees. we've been hoping to plant fruit trees at the house since we moved in, and i decided that if they had them i was going to just buy one today! ...but they didn't, and they didn't have figs either, but (and this is how you know i live in the country) the 92 year old lady they sometimes buy figs from lived right down the road!

so after the produce stand guy called "ms ruby", he gave me directions to her house - and this is really what he said - just go down this road here, past the middle school, down and up a hill, and it's the first brick house on the right, there's a single-wide across the street. i mean really, how awesome is that?! so i went down the road and found ms ruby standing in the driveway with rollers still in her gray hair, and i bought 6 lbs of figs! i was hoping for 1-2 lbs, but when she asked me if i wanted 15 or 10, and told me it supplemented her income, i couldn't help myself. luckily, i know my dad will love the extras, and once you get them home, 6 lbs of figs isn't all that much. the best part? they were only $2/lb, so i only spent $12 on a massive bag of figs. try getting that deal at a fancy schmancy farmer's market for some "organic local produce".

then we went to lowe's foods (pretty much the fanciest grocery store in a 30 mi. radius) and picked up the rest of the necessities. so for dinner, tess and i prepared a feast for daddy! we made spicy bbq'd country ribs, homestyle green beans (from the stand, cooked in chicken stock i made a few weeks ago), wild mushroom rice pilaf, and la piece de resistance, fresh scratch-made peach pie! i made this thing completely on my own (with help from tess), from peeling the peaches to making and rolling out the pie dough! and since it turned out AWESOME, i'm going to give you all the recipes!
the crust:
Ingredients

* 1 cup unsalted butter, chilled
* 3 cups all-purpose flour
* 3 tablespoons white sugar
* 1/3 cup ice water

Directions

1. Combine flour and sugar into the bowl of an electric mixer. Cut butter or margarine or butter and shortening into tablespoon pieces; add it to the flour and butter (i used plain, unsalted butter). Use the paddle beater to cut the butter and flour together. Alternatively, this can be done by hand with a pastry blender.
2. With the mixer on low speed , or while stirring the mixture with a fork, pour in the cold water. When the dough starts to clump, and before it turns into a ball, stop stirring (i had to use a little more than 1/3 cup to get to the right consistency).
3. Lightly knead dough in the bowl until it forms a ball. Divide dough into two parts. Flatten each part into a disk, and chill for about 30 minutes before rolling.

the pie:
Ingredients

* 1 (15 ounce) package pastry for a 9 inch double crust pie *just use the recipe above!*
* 1 egg, beaten
* 5 cups sliced peeled peaches (6 medium sized peaches worked just fine)
* 2 tablespoons lemon juice
* 1/2 cup all-purpose flour
* 1 cup white sugar
* 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
* 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
* 1/4 teaspoon salt
* 2 tablespoons butter

Directions

1. Preheat the oven to 450 degrees F (220 degrees C).
2. Line the bottom and sides of a 9 inch pie plate with one of the pie crusts. Brush with some of the beaten egg to keep the dough from becoming soggy later.
3. Place the sliced peaches in a large bowl, and sprinkle with lemon juice. Mix gently. In a separate bowl, mix together the flour, sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg and salt. Pour over the peaches, and mix gently. Pour into the pie crust, and dot with butter. Cover with the other pie crust, and fold the edges under. Flute the edges to seal or press the edges with the tines of a fork dipped in egg. Brush the remaining egg over the top crust. Cut several slits in the top crust to vent steam.
4. Bake for 10 minutes in the preheated oven, then reduce the heat to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C) and bake for an additional 30 to 35 minutes, until the crust is brown and the juice begins to bubble through the vents. If the edges brown to fast, cover them with strips of aluminum foil about halfway through baking. Cool before serving. This tastes better warm than hot.

the crust tastes like a flaky shortbread cookie, and according to the hubby, the filling is PERFECT. the only modifications i made to the recipes were using a homemade crust (rather than a storebought as the pie recipe recommends), making sure all the ingredients were fresh (including lemon juice from a real lemon), baking for 10 mins at 450 and then 40 mins at 350 (instead of 30-35), and when i peeled one of the peaches, it was definitely not ripe at all, so i cut very thin slices and let them sit in sugar for awhile before incorporating them into the rest of the peach mixture.

let me know if you try the recipe! happy eating, and enjoy exploring your local foods!

the blunt truth

so i don't blog much anymore. i wish i did, because i love looking back at pictures of tess, and i feel like we don't have many current ones anymore for various reasons, but the blunt truth of it is that people probably don't want to read what i have to say these days.

i'm not thrilled with life, working full time hours with crap pay and no benefits is hard, marriage is a struggle, being a mom is challenging, having more bills than money sucks, and trying to cope with it all is just difficult. and honestly, who wants to read about that?

so maybe when i have something more upbeat to say, i'll return.

hilarious link!

hah! if you love pregnant people, or photography, or laughing, and especially if you love all three... this blog post is HILARIOUS!

and in case the link doesn't work for some reason, here's the link: http://pregnantchicken.squarespace.com/pregnant-chicken-blog/2010/12/10/awkward-pregnancy-photos.html